Is a digital goodbye good enough?

Antonia Rolls A Good Death exhibition

My friend Nanette was talking to me about a friend who’s dying. She posed a couple of interesting questions I thought it worth sharing with you (with her permission of course).

“Our friend is in a hospice, heavily drugged so not fully with it. As often happens he has gone downhill very rapidly (he has cancer).

“His wife thought that he only had hours left to live and let his close circle of friends know. She invited us to send a text that she’d read out to him if we wanted to pass on a message.

“Since it sounded like his end was imminent I quickly pulled together some things that I had been reflecting on for a while and sent them over.

“My partner is godfather to their children and he didn’t want to say his farewells in a text. He was able to go into the hospice for a face to face farewell.

“It made me wonder, when push comes to shove, is any message better than none? 

“When I think about my friend, I think ‘pavlova’. He makes the best pavlova in the world. I’ll miss it. No other pavlova will match his. Any time in the future when I do have pavlova, I’ll think of him.

“So bizarrely, my text said: “NO ONE makes pavlova like you.  Absolutely top!” (OK I did say a few other heartfelt things too.)

“I wondered… can a farewell come across as trivial? And aside from the person dying, who else might find a farewell message meaningful -close family and friends.”

Having just witnessed the power of a condolence book being created by workmates for a lost soul, I can definitely bear witness to the importance of sharing.

So, inspired by this, we’re working on it. Up ahead, with other changes we’re making, we’ll make it possible to share more on through a Final Fling account… sharing ideas, inspiration, messages.

If you have ideas for Fling let us know. Contact us any time. Or fill in our short survey if you use Final Fling already.

For one amazing approach to saying Goodbye, see Jane and Jimmy’s site to son Josh: Beyond Goodbye.

Looking death in the face

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Antonia Rolls: A Good Death exhibition

If we knew what death looked like, would we be less afraid? I think so. It’s the bogey-man hiddenness of it that keeps it under the bed scary. 

Artist Antonia Rolls is doing an amazing job picturing death and sharing her paintings in A Graceful Death touring exhibition. We’re delighted to hear from Antonia in this week’s guest blog.

“A Graceful Death (AGD) is an exhibition of portraits of and words from people facing death.  It began in 2007 as I painted the last days and day of my partner as he slowly faded away and died.  After the first exhibition in 2009, I began to paint other dying people in order to tell their stories and to share their image.  I tour the country talking, exhibiting, and working with the dying as an artist.

“I want to introduce you to one of the paintings.

Antonia Rolls: A Good Death – Caroline Soar

“Caroline was my friend. She worked for the NHS, she lectured and talked on ethics, and was a huge personality and gave me advice on the exhibition.  One day, Caroline called to say that she had terminal lung cancer.  She wanted to be painted for AGD and in the hospice where I volunteer, asked to speak to me alone.

“Look”, she said as I arrived, “I understand space and time.” She talked excitedly about how everything made sense to her, and even drew me diagrams.  I did not understand a word.

“I kissed her and left as other visitors came, intending to return to interview her the next day.  Caroline died that night. This painting is huge.  It is my tribute to a wonderful lady.”

See other creative perspectives in Final Fling’s Art on Life and Death.

See Antonia’s A Graceful Death website.