And we’ve moved…

Final Fling UK’s blog has moved.

See our new blog here… it’s got all the rich info you used to find on our website.

 

On the countdown

 

It’s really unlikely in this communication-overloaded world that anyone will have noticed, but I haven’t blogged for the last couple weeks because we’re swapping our whole Final Fling website onto a new platform.

In reality, I’ve been counting down since before Christmas and the dates just keep slipping away… ever on the horizon. Like death I guess.

It a soft reminder of the little control we have over most things in life and the importance of planning. (I never miss the opportunity to mention that one.)

If you’re not convinced, here are 3 top reasons for life planning. And an even topper tip… if know you should but like to procrastinate, for once you have a letter from your mum. You have my permission to wait till our new site is up, mid April.

Sign up here to keep in the loop.

 

 

Great Dane joins the family

Birgitte Due Jensen Koch, Danish Institute for Existence

It’s a changing world out there. Resources for end of life planning are expanding every week. Here at Final Fling, we keep track of interesting developments across the globe and this week we’ve been in touch with, Birgitte Koch, Founder of The Existence Institute in Denmark to find out what they’re up to.

The Institut for Eksistens is interested in making the journey towards end of life as good as it can be for individuals, their families and the health care workers supporting them:

“Our mission is to eliminate taboos about death in Denmark through training, lectures and research,” said Birgitte. “The Institute focuses on each individual’s relationship with death – including physical, mental and metaphysical aspects – but also on living life to the fullest until death occurs. We are particularly interested in life just before death.

Birgitte reports that 2014 got off to a good start in Denmark: “Over 300 Danish children die of incurable illness each year so we’re delighted to see government has approved the setting up of Denmark’s first ever hospice for children. 

“With political approval in place and financial discussions underway, it does seem likely that Denmark will have its first children’s hospice before too long.

“The new hospice will be built as an extension of the oldest hospice in Denmark, Skt. Lukas Hospice, located slightly north of Copenhagen. Once finished, the new hospice will have space available for five children and their families.”

No doubt our new friends in Denmark will watch and learn from the experience of other nations and CHAS – Scotland’s model children’s hospice – is certainly a good starting point.

The Institut for Eksistens is the latest addition to the Final Fling community. If you want to join the movement, contact us.

 

 

 

The value of life

Anne Frank

Is there any more iconic image that captures the value of a short life and the importance of self expression than this black and white photo of Anne Frank?

 

I’m in Amsterdam. Today I’m off to the Anne Frank museum. Yesterday I had a sobering visit to the Resistance Museum.

There, I saw for the first time another black and white photograph. A father and his two daughters. It hasn’t had the multi-million imprints that Anne Frank’s image has. It’s a story told in a short paragraph. It was one of many. It was the story of a resistance fighter.

I was touched by the bravery, the selflessness of those who were prepared to sacrifice their safety, their security, their life for the greater good.

 

I imagine many visitors come away pondering the big question posed by that museum. Who would you be? The collaborator, the survivor – dodging the battles of living – or the resistance fighter.

 

Is life worth having at any price? I think not.

That’s why I proudly carry the Stonewall bag “Some people are gay, get over it”, drum at Pride celebrations, challenge sexist, racist and homophobic language, phone into radio shows to take on the priest who doesn’t think we should do funerals in new ways. The value of life is freedom to live it (at no cost to anyone else). And the fight it still on.

 

International gestures and predictor thingies

The international language of the predictor thingy

On Thursday I ran a session for lawyers to help them think about how they can engage more creatively with clients around end of life planning. On Saturday we ran another Final Fling Death Cafe.

In various Let’s Do Death Better sessions, for a fun finale, I share the puzzle of the flat, square piece of paper with lots of words at different angles to see if folk can work out what to do with it. They usually can.

We adapted this old playground tradition for the piece of print (above) devised for our Day of the Dead fest in November. The task throws noone. Bright young things, 92 year olds, professionals… folks whose families came from England, Ireland, Scotland, Italy, US and Canada… no matter the background or age, everyone seems to recognise and know how to make the …. the predictor thingy.

You’d think if we were going to develop an origami tradition that would be akin to an international gesture we’d have bothered to devise all sorts of interesting and colourful local names. But no. From Stranraer to Edinburgh, a nasty splinter of wood that sticks into your skin will change from being a skelf to a spail, but we haven’t bothered to give this delightful plaything a name.

(Well apart from 3 unlikely terms suggested that I’m not buying: a cruft, a nit catcher (surely not) and a click-clack…really – it’s silent.)

It strikes me as odd and interesting that we don’t have a common language for this thing. I would have expected it to be one of those fabulous measures of dialect and culture.

Like death.

Local, national and international differences are writ most large in our death traditions.

So if you have a name for this lovely predictor thingy or can share with us a specific tradition in your family for marking the amazing rite of passage that is death, please contact us.

 

 

 

 

 

 

What do the best days of your life look like?

“My Dad spent a lot of time behind his Pentax throughout my childhood.”
Emilie

Final Fling’s house style celebrates the the poignancy and joy of everyday life; fleeting moments, caught forever in a snap.

This week I’ve been having a lovely exchange through our Facebook page with Emilie in New Zealand who sent us a wee batch of photos for the new site (coming soon). See more on Flickr.

The home-snap-style throws some people.

Why is there a photo of a woman on a motorbike on the Powers of Attorney page?

That would be my mum. She had no idea when that sunny snap was taken that she and her sister would have 10 children between them, that her sister would die in her early 40s, that she and her dad would each in turn disappear to dementia and need someone to step in and take decisions for them. That’s life.

And that’s what’s behind my inspiration to create Final Fling. That element of the unknown and inevitable. My sense of urgency about the need to sort our stuff – hence the 10 Things to Do on Final Fling. And my carpe diem sense of urgency about loving every ordinary day.

Contact us to share pics and stories.

LGBT = Love, Generosity, Belief, Tolerance

LGBT couples deserve equality around all of life’s ceremonies

Go Scotland. We’ve just passed the Same Sex Marriage Bill. Just one good reason for voting for independence. Sense and sensibility.

Hear MSP Alex Neil talk plainly and sensibly about the decision.

Equal marriage is a relatively obvious right – though none the less hard won. I did Rites of Passage training with the marvellous Sue Fox and Gilly Adams and I’m just about to do more with Fuze, so that I can help create meaningful ceremonies and officiate for marriage and partnership trysts… with a focus on LGBT friends.

But what about our other major life stage rituals?

What about death?

Anyone who’s seen the excellent Tom Ford film The Single Man, starring Colin Firth, will get an insight into the double trauma LGBT people have faced in the past, dealing with the death of a same sex partner and facing having rites of passage, rights of access, the right to be considered and respected denied.

So I hope that today’s legislative victory will continue the slow march up the hill towards equality.

At the last hurdle in life, we have to be able to be there for and with each other.

Read more about LGBT and death on Final Fling.

100 years on… remember great women

Bex’ inspiring mum

Do you have an inspiring granny, auntie, mother, sister, partner, daughter, woman friend or colleague?

(I’ve got at least one of all the above and it was the entrepreneurial Auntie Nellie, cutting a dash in her cork soled sandals that inspired me to take on this Final Fling malarky.)

And if they’ve gone now, how will they be remembered?

 

On the 100th anniversary of the success of the Suffragettes, let’s not pretend all is rosy. Women’s voices still go unheard. Syrian women and girls seek asylum, escaping sexual violence – a common war weapon. The Bechdel test reminds us how shockingly shallow the portrayal of women is in movies.

So let’s be thankful for the work of Glasgow Women’s Library – honouring, promoting, supporting and remembering the history and achievements of women.

There’s a chance for you to memorialise an inspiring woman by naming a shelf in their new library space. 21 Revolutions is the vehicle for this: a major project celebrating the library’s 21st birthday, featuring new commissions from 21 women writers and artists. 

I’ve already signed up to support them through this Kickstarter fundraising project. All power to them.

See other ideas for memorials and remembering on Final Fling.

 

All Hail Hayley

Hayley comes a cropper

There isn’t another story this week.

Is there?

Hayley took control.

You’ve got to hand it to Corrie. They took on the unexplored T of LGBT… usually only presented in a Priscilla Queen of the Desert kind of way.

And now Corrie fave Hayley Cropper brought us the Right to Die issue.

I hope a touch of soap helps broaden the debate as Lord Falconer’s Bill edges its way up the agenda.

So that makes two big YES votes this year for me. (It doesn’t mean I don’t love you all, my English friends.)

And I’m not the only one feeling positive. 90.9% of the people who voted on our Assisted Dying poll said a definite yes to having the right to die. Not a single one opted for ‘probably yes’. 9 out of 10 went for a definite yes. And only 1 in 10 thought ‘probably not’. Not a single ‘definitely not’.

That’s promising.

Keep voting as the year goes on.

Is a digital goodbye good enough?

Antonia Rolls A Good Death exhibition

My friend Nanette was talking to me about a friend who’s dying. She posed a couple of interesting questions I thought it worth sharing with you (with her permission of course).

“Our friend is in a hospice, heavily drugged so not fully with it. As often happens he has gone downhill very rapidly (he has cancer).

“His wife thought that he only had hours left to live and let his close circle of friends know. She invited us to send a text that she’d read out to him if we wanted to pass on a message.

“Since it sounded like his end was imminent I quickly pulled together some things that I had been reflecting on for a while and sent them over.

“My partner is godfather to their children and he didn’t want to say his farewells in a text. He was able to go into the hospice for a face to face farewell.

“It made me wonder, when push comes to shove, is any message better than none? 

“When I think about my friend, I think ‘pavlova’. He makes the best pavlova in the world. I’ll miss it. No other pavlova will match his. Any time in the future when I do have pavlova, I’ll think of him.

“So bizarrely, my text said: “NO ONE makes pavlova like you.  Absolutely top!” (OK I did say a few other heartfelt things too.)

“I wondered… can a farewell come across as trivial? And aside from the person dying, who else might find a farewell message meaningful -close family and friends.”

Having just witnessed the power of a condolence book being created by workmates for a lost soul, I can definitely bear witness to the importance of sharing.

So, inspired by this, we’re working on it. Up ahead, with other changes we’re making, we’ll make it possible to share more on through a Final Fling account… sharing ideas, inspiration, messages.

If you have ideas for Fling let us know. Contact us any time. Or fill in our short survey if you use Final Fling already.

For one amazing approach to saying Goodbye, see Jane and Jimmy’s site to son Josh: Beyond Goodbye.